As 2006 comes to a much welcomed close, I find myself reflecting on whether this year was worth it to even live, to which I have concluded definitively that indeed it wasn’t. Much to his credit, Gerald Ford was absolutely correct when he asserted this was a shitty year by dying abruptly this week, a final declaration that yes, as far as years go, this was bad enough for a former President to just give up on life in the face of a prospective shittier year known as “2007.”

And like every other year, we can see the buffoons trumpeting how amazing the year was by creating entirely arbitrary lists about what was fab and what was drab, ignoring the fact that outside the tiny microcosm they live in, life has been arduous and simply not fun this year given the high casualties in Iraq, higher priced oil, really conservative politics ruining our lives, and my home state of Michigan essentially dying before my very eyes. The worst culprits of this unwarranted optimism, though, come in the form of critics with their best films lists, best music lists, and whatever other list VH1 is showing nine times a day. Quite frankly, they amount to nothing more than water-cooler chat at work at minimum, and at most it brings out the snobs to assert they know more about film and music than others. The reality of this year in entertainment is simple: “Battlestar Galactica” is still the best show on TV, and “Heroes” is a very close runner up.

I will admit that some years these lists are valid, as we as a culture need to recognize our artists for the triumphs they’ve created, which will thusly serve to propagate our species and act as one more step forward in our evolution. Years that fall into this category were 1999, when film was at an all-time greatness, or 2002 when many musical acts seemed to be onto something but then quickly commercialized and ruined any potentially great musical endeavors. This year, however, I find no redeeming qualities in most of our arts, and I’ll be bold enough to even make these blanket statements:

1. 2006 saw perhaps the worst films produced in the history of film years, as evidenced by the fact that I couldn’t give a shit less about any of the December “Oscar-worthies” making their last minute push to win our favor, nor do I recall being impressed by a film at least once during the course of the year because not a single film was memorable;

and

2. This year, not a-one musician did a goddamn thing to make me want to buy their album except two: Sufjan Stevens and Pearl Jam, whose albums were beacons of hope in an otherwise abysmal musical year.

That said, I suppose I should placate the egos of these critics and link their lists, which will only contribute to the water cooler talk and call criticism from the snobs I so dread. In fact, without giving each their due credit, here’s a link to a site that has a bunch of film lists already linked, that way I don’t have to stroke every one of these writers’ proverbial cocks too hard.

So, what do you think? Do you have better picks for 2006? Was Borat good enough to deserve the nod for an AFI Best Film of the year? Was Martin Scorsese just pumping out another un-Oscar-able film starring Leo DiCaprio? Do you give as little a shit about Matt Damon or Angelina Jolie as I do? Leave your thoughts, your lists, your gripes in the comments section below.